birds

11/29
welllll with twitter seeming like it is going to either shut down or gradually sink into a far-right cesspool iz am quite glad to have already put a fair amount of effort in creating a site for mourselves.... iz did just delete mour hymns of the herd account which is...! disappointing, but iz dont want to be sharing art on such a platform tbh... iz will make a new page for that project on here at some point but iz dont have much energy for that........ have been v v busy of late (as usual lol)...

this past weekend rowan and iz did all the treat making for holiday boxes and got most everything mailed out.... for this one that mostly meant doing dishes all day on saturday to keep up with all the complicated dough making cedar was doing... and then wrapping like 150 individual candies .......... and then being mostly fatigued exhausted recovering all sunday while rowan did the actual baking of the chilled doughs....... and then of course having rested on sunday and both of us otherwise putting all our efforts into baking there have been much chorings to catch up on the past two days....! doll is making it through but hooooo boy....... much worth it though... we mailed out 16 boxes to friends around the country .... :33 iz cant wait for everyone to try them rowan does such a good job every year on these nd each time the treats are only get better and better...! :pleading: :pleading: ... iz love them so much....

hehehehehe.... alsooo as of yesterday izm official partners with mour sweet toy starlight :blush: :blush: :3_hearts_revolving: ..... she is such a soft nd special thing..... will be up visiting umz in march/beginng of april and izm sooo so so excited to hug nd hold her nd kiss all over her pretty plushie face ,,....... :pleading :pleading :pleading:

11/16
its beennnn just a bit of a hard couple of weeks. with it being so cold and dead predators Really want to get at our birds. we've lost three in the past month, barred rock gran prix marie, the duckie sea salt, and now most recently one of our two austral orps beelzebub. izve been doing much to bulk up the fence to keep critters from getting in/our chickens from getting out so. hopefully we will not lose any more, but for mango who is like actively injured but managed to escape from whatever critter did this. iz still worry much for her long term...

edit: iz did end up putting her down due to that injury.... gave her a proper burial by acorn's tree.... rest in peace sweet girl.

11/2
itd be cool to know literally anyone else with NPD but also like. whatever iz guess. iz can and do figure this shit out on mour own.

izdk. iz usually have a very tight clamp on the impulses of such feelings but therapy man a couple weeks ago was like, encouraging umz to say kindnesses to mourselves, and now iz feel as if iz am rocking back into the opposite sort of issue. except iz am still managing fine enough, just. hmm. much to settle in mourselves

11/1
iz keep going to bed at like 7pm and sleeping 11ish hours. insane.

10/22
iz have started a daily poetry writin tw*tter account as of like 4 days ago... iz am titling each poem for the names that iz have at the moment, and find that putting out 3 to 5 lines with two or three names as inspiration is like... very doable for umz. iz am going to try so very hard to keep up with this long term. at least until all mour duets have a story attached. from there? who knows! iz mean certainly izll still have many more threes worth poeming so maybe there will be some type of expansion of scope.... anyways...... thats something to be think of in the far future right now iz am just vibing in it all..... happy creatures.
also fuck iz love mour partner soooooo fucking much jlfdaskjfklasd... we have just begun sending each other little voice recordings of poetry that we enjoy and it is the loveliest most comforting thing in the world for real.... . it has the most beautiful voice izm absolutely smitten with her//////.

10/13
iz am going to quit mour theatre job iz think 3: iz really really really really like being a house manager but, there are literally no covid precaution being taken at mour workplace at all and maybe like 5% of people showing up to the theatre are masking and iz simply! can't deal with that! iz can't keep comprimising mour health for this!

life has generally been a lil exhausting the past couple weeks but! in better news iz am playing through ffxiv 6.2 patch anad 6.25 comes out next week so iz at least can hyperfocus on that for a good while and Fucking Chill.

10/4
mour steps for when there's a new traumatic memory to process:
remember that the girl that happened to is dead and iz am mour own person
recognize that we do share a connection our response to that memory
delve into such feelings, how she was affected and made to be in such moments
honor them and say goodbye

anyway. in other news iz have a job interview at a newspaper today. its a phone interview, which iz am displeased about because of mour audio processing shit, but, iz am hoping that it will be okay. its a full time job but also will be a lot of writing involved + iz have a cane for any events that iz have to attend so like. izdk. maybe iz will be able to handle it but maybe also not. urhghghughugruhghghghhhh we will see.

8/30
oughhh.... it has been a long couple of weeks.... had to go back down to north carolina to attend mour sisters memorial service and also babysit mour niece(trans of gender!!!) and nephew while mother was getting a bunch of last minute things sorted out.... exhausting but also, fulfilling. iz am feeling a lot of ways about it all.

???
hiiiiiiiiiiii how does the text wrapping work on here did iz do it well enough okay???? mm iz just gotta be careful to not type too long of words
okay iz think iz fixed it fasjldkjflkasjdflkasjdlfkjasdlkfjlakdhgjkahgjajdflkasdlkhgadlkfjlkasdjflkasdjkljaf

extra
mainly just checking to see if scrolling works okay hehe

extra
lol